expressing...

where was the friendship i knew

where was the girl i used to be

where was the enthusiasm i used to have

where was the dream i saved

i want answers

i am not me anymore

i've lost myself in my own world in my own life in my own path.

pathetic

you hear me

i'm pathetic !!

tick tock tick tock.. time is ticking. it was just like yesterday i just arrived miri and welcomed by my family at the airport. and now at a glance, i gotta pack my luggage and get ready to go back. tho i've packed pretty much everything i need there, i have yet packed my mood and told myself.. holidays are ending soon.

no one would miss the chance of going home. no one would stay in a foreign land when there's a place called home and a bunch of people called family members and friends waiting for them.

but then again... dad's right. he's always right, no? he said that if i come back for holidays, it would be harsh on me for i have to go back adelaide myself. alone. oh yes i have my fun at home and once those days end, gotta bid goodbye to the preciousss and hello back to college life again. that's hard. but that's the stage of growing up right?

i repeat, dad's right. he's always right. the feeling of returning to the reality is sooo not good. people tend to get emo once they are going away from home again. the mixed feelings. it's sooo not fun.

after studying in adelaide for 2 months n a 2 weeks holidays in miri, i've had enough. maybe i'm different. i could adapt easily. i can. no, i must. and i will within these 8 months. so, guys, during these 8 months, please don't forget my face !!


me with a weight of 47kg and hoping more will be gained soon.

so long!

18th Birthday~

Never would i imagine to be back miri to celebrate my 18th birthday. i am grateful that parents are willing to spend the not so cheap air ticket to let me fly back.

i still remember last year i celebrated with friends at kuai kou li, eating steamboat in the middle of hot day. and they purposely wore yellow. lol now one is in UK, one is in KL, one is in kuching, and another one is working. time passes soooo fast huh.

jui jeng the camera man.

this year i had cake to eat and big huge ass soft toy to hug.

thanks to the bous for the cake. chia wee gave me a surprise by inviting jui jeng to come along. ahhh the good old jui jeng, who never fails to make me laugh.

me with the bous without giasu and chia wee's stupid snoopy.



the night before my birthday, my family and i went to double star to eat. as always, big-faced, pimpled-faced & long-faced.



so that pretty much sums up my special day. the day when i got to receive friends' wishes and greetings. the day i got to say thank you, thank you, and THANK YOU. the day i was truly touched by those friends that i've not been contacting for ages for they still remember it and wished me happy birthday. i am truly blessed with good friends and most of all, them!


sis is too ugly to be shown.

soooo, i am officially 18 baby !! =D

Sista

Introducing my bitchy sis.



Well, she doesn't look so bitchy when she's a kid huh? see. she looked so naive and innocent like that. angel with a devil heart, i shall say! haha.



awww. she hugged me!! that was like 10 years ago? .. where's the hug i want NOW?? pif.



anyway, this post is dedicated to her since.. she cancelled her sabah trip for..muah~ that's why i am so so touched. that's right. my sister sacrificed the fun she could have with her friends for her little sister. never been so touched before!!



us two posing for the camera haha. such a camera poser since young.

anyway, thank youuu for staying back for me, sis! that's what big sister does, no?!! hiak hiak. and i am sure when she reads this part, her face expression would be something like this...



=P but seriously, what more can you ask for a sis like this?

Tagged by Yun Hui!!

(Upload a picture that u like and answer the questions below)
Why do you like this picture?
~something in this pic makes me feel peaceful and quiet.
When is the last time u ate pizza?
~pizza ah...i think in adelaide. ate dominos which was pretty yucky. i support pizza hut!! haha.
The last song that u've listened?
~someone new by .. i forgot the singer's name.


What do you do bsides completing this tag?
~watching creepy movie with sis =.=
Bsides ur own name, what nickname/name u like to be called as?
~fishy?


Tag 5 ppl !!
1. sis
2. char
3. zhu faye


4. anyone reading this
5. anyone interested.
To you, who is no.1?
~my bitchy sis. =P
No 3 is hving an affair with?
~ahem... it's complicated (?)
Say something about no.5:
~he or she is a human?
How bout the person no 4?
~he or she is my fan??? haha. since he or she is reading my blog ma.... hahaha.


Who is no.2?
~a genius indeed. never met someone so clever and hardworking at the same time! at england now. i think she's travelling during easter holiday. probably searching her way through the big cities by herself now. : )

11/4..12/4

more more updates.

just as i clicked 'publish post' for da previous updates, the song played 'home' by michael bubley. or is tat how you spell his last name. hmm anyway, just wanna say.. i am starting to love mcdonald. love them for their internet, their 24 hours service, love their songs. i am lovin' it.

just let me go home, i miss you. let me go homeeeee wohhhh. it'll be alright, i'll be home tonight, i'm coming back home.

-------

more updates.
it's 4.45am now. been sleeping through hell. forced myself to sleep at 1 something and woke up and slept back and woke up and slept back. the feeling was just so surreal. never been so TIRED before. gonna be a sleeping beauty later though !! =D here i come...

-------

updates:
currently in mcdonald lepak-ing. haha. finally got ebuddy to online! good good. life without chatting is hell. haha. but mum keeps rushing me to go sleep. duh, how can i sleep soundly when all my stuff's with me?? fuiyoh.

-------

at adelaide airport now. waiting for da time to pass. =/ tick tock tick tock.

=) thank you to mummy and daddy. best 18th birthday present ever !!

..

no miri right...

then..

melbourne melbourne melbourne..

haha.

random post

look how happy they are.

..

star light. star bright. it's so cold tonight. i hardly can survive.

one day, one day i will venture out and chase that dream of mine.

..

mood is so randomly random now. suddenly good, but the next second, it turns bad. or sad? or filled with anger and frustration? there's so much stuff to do, so many choices to make, so many stuff that's bothering me. but life...and responsibilities don't allow me to speak for my own words.

..

went to some places by myself today alone. most of my friends think that those places are boring so i just went alone. after whole day of talking and laughing, it's nice to cool myself down and talk to myself. i know i know, i sound like a freak now.

..

mineral geoscience eh? doesn't seem to suit me, no? me, as a typical thousand gold girl who is scared of broken nails, dark skin bla bla, will actually consider mineral geoscience? this is world record, man. but then again, just considering. it's not that i've never considered engineering but..4 years and deep deep DEEP math are waaay too hard for me. i salute those studying engineering.

..

tomorrow gonna have one lesson only but it's the latest among all the other classes. 4 till 6pm. what am i gonna do ah during winter time? walk in the dark? niceeee timetable. anyway, tomorrow gonna have a talk with sophie the student counsellor and see how it goes.

..

the next 2 weeks will be the term holidays which i have nothing planned. yeah lah, at first i thought of Plan A but yeah, someone objected it. well, i am left with no plan at all. gooood. gonna buy some winter clothes and boots perhaps? lol. chiiiill, i'm just talking craps here. i will feel sinful + guilty to buy them. lol. but one thing for sure, i am gonna have an enjoyable time trying those glorious food. yum yum. damn, i need fat. someone, could you just spare me some fat?

..

sometimes..i just hate how i think and the way i see things are. i've lost perspectives.

can't stop laughing...XD

Had a chat with my bro yesterday.

me: do you know your test result now?
bro: heaven know.
me: HEAVEN KNOW?! HOW DID YOU KNOW THIS WORD ONE?!

i was like, WHAT THE FISH. how come he knows this word one?! he's 10 only ah. impossible. but he didn't answer me that time.

then, just now i was chatting with my sis and she told me that what he wanted to type yesterday was 'HAVEN'T KNOW'.

..

HAHAHAHA. I WANNA WHACK HIS HEAD!! <3

Picturesss

Okay, i admit there's been less updating of life here and as a result, friends are complaining. (you know who you are!) and because today i only have one class 'coz the ENL teacher is on vacation, woohoo!! therefore, i am so free and nice to upload pictures of my life here. actually..i am not really free 'coz tomorrow gonna sit for critical thinking and math test. but after just now's chemi test, i felt sooo relieved though i know i don't do that well. urgh. anyway, critical thinking and math can just wait. =p

been randomly selecting pics to upload so yeah, there's no sequence for all those. and let the pictures tell you my life here.















































n please friendsss, update your lives to me too!! =D

outdated..



had a chat with chia wee and suk sin on 15/3. and you know what? we made a deal that 10 years later, we are gonna have a cooking competition to see how delicious our food is. see? we actually made an agreement! LOL. i regret now 'coz my cooking suckss to the max. ah well, at least i can try their food 10 years from now. jia you you two!! hahaha.

grandma...

my uncle from offshore called just now. he called to congrat me on the spm result. and one thing that he said made me wanna cry.

'you know if grandma knows, how will she react?'

the first thing came to my mind was her shout and sort of like a scream.
she will say 'ying ying, you got so good result ah? i am so proud of you! keep it up! just that malay..no choice lo.'

..

or something like that. and next, she will keep insisting on giving me a big angpao for the spm result and also for my birthday which she will sure give every year.

but this year, i am getting none from her.

and everytime she came to my house, she will ask kakak if there is enough fruits and vege, and she will buy lots of oranges, kiwi and papaya... and sometimes she will buy breads for us three! she always said to me 'wash your hand before eating it!'

but i always said i was full. i regret now.

coz i won't have that chance to eat anymore.